I don't know what it is with college that makes me feel so laaaaasasjdlkjdsfaaazy and like I'm going nowhere in life
          This is probably another transition kind of thing for me, because at least in high school I was in class every single day for 8 hours. Now I'm talking two courses online and two on campus but only Monday Wednesday and Friday and I'm there for no more than 3 hours. 
I FEEL LIKE I'M DOING NOTHING

          I mean yeah I have essays to write and presentations to present but sometimes when I don't have all of that I feel a little like I'm withering away. I do readings, I show up, I take notes, I fall asleep, I leave. (I'm just kidding about the falling asleep part....kind of!) I feel like transferring or graduating in 2 years is impossible if I don't feel like I'm doing something academic for at least 5 hours a day and my willpower to just pick up a novel for class is...well, practically nonexistent. I love reading, though, don't get me wrong. Reading old english with extremely archaeological spelling though, a little different for me.
           However, yesterday for class we finally did something other than sit around and discuss--we actually got into peer-editing groups where we actually had to read each others' essays aloud in a group of 3-4. I was a little not to enthusiastic about this because I felt like I ended my essay a little abruptly (okay I kind of gave up molding it into a perfect essay after maybe 4 hours of backspacing) and then I had a war with my printer (the printer won with me ending up with ink that is STILL on my hands and giving a buck to the printer at our library) so I was definitely resentful of my essay. 
           But in our peer reading group one of the people in my group said to me, "You're an english major aren't you? I can tell. Your essay seems like it should be in like, a textbook or those example essays you find online" 
(': (': (': (': (':
okay that probably doesnt sound like much of a compliment now but it really felt like one then 

         I'm not trying to brag! it's just it suddenly seemed like all the blood sweat and tears (I'm not even exaggerating the top of my printer fell on me and jammed my fingers) producing that essay, and even college itself, suddenly seemed extremely worthy. 
I don't know, it kind of felt like the seeds I've been sowing finally started to sprout, if that makes sense. Anyway, hope you guys are all having a good week so far!

Joy ☼