My boyfriend and I have always talked about using relationship as a path for growth and development. But he doesn't seem interested in actively doing much to grow and develop. He seems to think growth and development just happens, without any effort. I want more affection and connection from him. I've asked him for more, and he says he will improve, but it never seems to get any better. If he's so interested in growth and development, then why doesn't he put any effort into it? It's very confusing.
You're focusing on the potentiality — the idea that this guy could potentially, some day in the future, give you what you want. That's a classic mistake that people make in relationships. Don't focus on the potentiality. Focus on the actuality — what you are actually getting right now. What you are actually getting right now needs to be enough. If it's not, then you'll need to make a decision about this relationship.
Growth and development doesn't necessarily happen in a way you will like, appreciate, find sufficient, or expect or even want or take satisfaction from. Growth and development often happens below the surface, unseen and unnoticed, and it's often a process that happens unconsciously, without directed effort. Trust in the process. Have faith that growth and development is happening. Don't be so anxious that you pull up the plants every day to check to be sure that they're growing. You do that, and the plants are probably not going to do very well. Plant the seeds, and just allow the process to take place.
One person caring about another represents life’s greatest value.
- Jim Rohn