Sunday, November 28, 2010

missing my home...

At the end of May my family and I moved from Rowland Heights to Covina. It does not seem like that much of a difference but to me it was one of the biggest things to happen to me in my life. I know there are people that always move around to different houses or apartments or whatever. However, I was fortunate enough to live in the same house my entire life. My family lived in that house for 23 years. In May we had to move and it broke my heart. Not only is it the house I grew up in but also the only place I know. Another plus was that it was only 2 minutes away from my job. Literally 2 minutes, maybe 5 if I hit all red lights.

Since we moved into the house in Covina I cannot help but be sad and upset every time I drive past the old house to go to work. And lately it has been hitting me a lot. I keep waking up in the middle of the night to go to the restroom and I walk right into my nephews room because that is where our restroom would have been in the old house. I cannot count how many times I get off of work late and I am completely exhausted and without thinking I drive right to the house in Rowland Heights. My body is just programmed to go there and when I am that tired and I cannot think anymore my body just does what it remembers.

I know that the house I live in now is nicer and I finally have my own room, but the problem is it is just a house. It does not feel like a home to me. I feel like if I am staying in a Hotel and I cannot get comfortable. I know that this should be my home but I cannot wrap my mind around it for some reason. I think the hardest thing for me is to watch my nieces and nephews play in the backyard of the new house and them tell me how much they miss the old house and how the backyard at the old house was bigger and cooler. I never thought that we would move out of that house and it hurts me the most knowing that my nieces and nephews, and whenever I have kids, will never be able to play hide-n-seek on the same street that we did. Or they will never be able to enjoy the huge hill on the side of our street, the horse trail, fossil hill, and so many other wonderful things that I took for granted over the years.

I know that they will create their own memories and they will cherish them many years down the road just like I am, but I wish they would have had the same experience that I did. I wish they did not have to move around as much as they do and that they could call one place their home like I was able to. However, that is not the case and they must learn to except it just like I must continue to try and except it.

Well, I am still upset about the move and its been around 6 months. Hopefully I will learn to except it soon. I am sick of waking up upset about it and missing my home.

Until my fingers meet the keys, Amber


  1. I really liked what you had to say about wandering back to the old places when you're tired and on autopilot: after work, in the middle of the night. Sometimes I get on the freeway and drive to work instead of where I want to go just because it's habitual. 5 days a week I get on the 55 South so when Saturday rolls around and I want to go to Fullerton, I naturally get into the same lane. I'd guess when you look up and find yourself in front of the old house you half laugh half cry.
    Keep faith, though. Home is where family is and pretty soon, in a few months, that new building will fill with memories, and what's important about the old house will still be with you and with the people you loved there, and that gives you something to reminisce about.

  2. When I do drive past the old house I can honestly close my eyes and tell you how to turn just a little or where to turn right onto the street that is how well I know it. The times that I am on autopilot I do look up and reminisce. I just have to learn to reminisce about the good things and not about what went wrong. Thanks so much for what you said. I have been trying to keep faith and build new memories. A lot of people have told me the same thing about home is where the family is but or some reason we just haven't been able to make this house feel like a home.
    Another day, another try I guess...