Monday, October 11, 2010


So, the last couple of days I haven't been able to get my oldest brother off my mind. He is in prison for a something completely stupid. Anyways, I have been thinking about him a lot lately because my birthday was a little over a month ago and I usually at least receive a card from him saying, "happy birthday" or something. This year I didn't get anything. I know that he has called a few times and that he is doing ok, but I just cannot help but wonder why there was no card. It may sound selfish by me saying that but it is my way to make sure that he is ok.

A little history about my brother's and my relationship is that we don't always get along. Growing up it was great. I would always be with my brothers hanging out, play fighting, or just laughing at each other all night long. When I was about 12 years old he went to prison for the first time because he took the rat for something that someone else had done. Since then things have changed drastically. Not only between my brother and me but throughout our entire family.

I did not talk to my brother for a very long time because of some things he had done to my family, such as; selfish acts for money, stealing, and verbal abuse. He is a good brother and always took care of me when I needed him but I was mad at how my family fell apart because of the selfish choices he had made. It is still hard for me to talk to him or write to him. I think just in this past month I have written over 11 letters to him, yet I haven't sent one out. I just cannot get myself to send them or I lose them on purpose so I don't have to.

I think that I am going to write him sometime this week and send it out... Maybe I will just send him pictures of his kids and see if he responds back to me. I am not sure what will happen or if I will even send anything. I will try though.

Until my fingers meet the keys, Amber

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